


Hamilsquad: This Means (Prank) War

by PentaholicHamiltrash7



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Other, Prank War, Washington is the cool dad, but especially Hamilsquad, just a little prank war, nothing too much, prank war hardcore, this involves everyone
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-05
Updated: 2017-04-16
Packaged: 2018-05-18 08:12:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,434
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5911348
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PentaholicHamiltrash7/pseuds/PentaholicHamiltrash7
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John Laurens wakes up to Alexander Hamilton's phone ringing, with General Washington on the other end. Alex won't wake up, and Washington NEEDS to talk to him. What is poor John to do? </p>
<p>Or, a prank war worthy of the Revolutionary Squad is declared on this day.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Round One: A Visit from the General

**Author's Note:**

> Hi :) Um, this is my first fanfiction written on this website (I love this place btw) and this is basically a little idea that came to me, and I thought, "if anyone were to do this, it would be the Hamilsquad" so there you go. 
> 
> Sorry in advance.

**Round One: A Visit From the General**

 

             It is when he hangs up with a certain General Washington that John Laurens knows without a doubt he is utterly  _ **screwed**_. The four of them (meaning John, Alexander, Lafayette and Hercules) had gone out for a (few) round(s) of drinks to usher in a much-welcomed weekend after a week of nonstop work. Laf, Herc and John knew their boundaries when it came to drinking (they were seasoned veterans to it, after all) but Alexander... was, for lack of better expression, a lightweight who  _didn't know he was a lightweight_. Alexander drank so much that he had drunk himself to sleep, and Laurens ended up drawing the shortest straw (because they all knew that Alexander was even _more_ of a handful when drunk) and had to lug the unconscious man home.

             So John woke up with minimal damage to himself; he might've been nursing a light hangover, but nothing too horrible. While he is sipping from a cup of the coffee he made for himself and Alex, John heard a familiar cellphone ring. It's Alex's (and it's across the room, and in Alex's STILL unconscious state, it didn't look to John like he intended to get up and get it), so John picked up.

"Hello?"

"Hamilton?" came the voice of General Washington through the phone.

"Uh, no, sir. This is Laurens, I just picked up the phone for Alexander. He spent the night. What do you need, sir?"

"Oh, well, hello Laurens. I was needing to speak with Hamilton. Could you please retrieve him for me?" Washington requested.

"As you wish, sir," Laurens politely complied. He went over to Alex's sleeping form, shaking him to try and wake him. Alex wouldn't budge.

John tried tickling him awake. Alex wouldn't budge.

John tried slapping him awake. Alex wouldn't budge.

"Hamilton...Laurens... are either of you responsive?" Washington called through the phone, sounding a bit irritated.

"Just a moment, sir," John replied to placate Washington. He turned back to Alex. _Desperate times called for desperate_ _measures..._

"Jefferson's hair finally caught on fire."

"Eliza had the baby and named it after John Adams."

"Lafayette and Mulligan... uh, wrote out your refutation on toilet paper and rolled Samuel Seabury's mansion?"

Did Alex budge? Did he stir? Did he even bat an eyelash? Of course he didn't. It would have been made far too easy for John then.

John only saw one solution to the situation, and thought up a quick plan. It was not the simplest or most foolproof of plans (because that's how you start to think when you're friends with Alexander Hamilton, you make something up and go with it), but it could work. John picked up the phone and...

"Mr. Washington, sir, you called for me?" John Laurens said, imitating Alex's voice as best he could.

"Hamilton? Are you alright, son? You don't sound quite like yourself," Washington answered, sounding a little worried for Alex's health. John clears his throat quietly and continues. 

"I'm fine, sir. I think I may have had a pint too many last night, but other than that, all is well," John managed to respond. This conversation was easily the single most nerve-wracking conversation he'd ever had with the General (including those from the war.)

"Alright, then. Are you busy?" Washington inquired, seeming less suspecting, which John was very grateful for.

"No, sir. What do you need?" John replied politely again.

"I'll be paying a visit in a few minutes, there's a few details on that new debt plan I would like to go over with you face-to-face."

_Oh, no,_ John thinks. _Well, what would Alex say?_

"With all due respect, now is not a good time, sir, I-"

"You said you were not busy. Am I _intruding_ on your time, Alexander?" Washington quipped. His tone of voice became authoritative and intimidating enough to make a person understand exactly why he was a general. John didn't want any trouble for Alex - he was just trying to answer the phone!

"No sir, General, you are not intruding. It is a great privilege of mine to speak with you. I, just, um... the house isn't the best kept. I mean, there's papers, rough drafts I bring to Laurens everywhere. I wouldn't want to-"

"Nonsense, Alexander. I'm coming over. You're at Laurens' place, correct? I'm just down the street from his house, I'll be there in the blink of an eye." Washington hung up before John could further protest. It takes John all of two seconds after hanging up to realize what this means. He dials Lafayette's number at a manic speed, hoping to find help.

"Laf? Herc? I need help!"

"What is the trouble now, mon ami?" Lafayette, the godsend he is, answers.

"Alexander, drunk, Washington, meeting, pretend, him, I'm dead! I died, I'm DEAD!!!" John says, freaking out and yelling and hyperventilating simultaneously.

"Firstly, you need to calm down, okay? It's not the end of the world. Laf and I are on our way. Do you have any glasses?" asks Hercules, who has grasped what is going on from John's fragmented exclamations.

"I have a pair."

"Perfect. Put them on him. Sit him in that chair he has by his desk, make sure his back is facing the door. Be there in thirty."

Exactly thirty seconds later, Herc and Laf arrive. Laf pours up a partially filled cup of coffee and sits it on Alex's desk, while Hercules somehow makes it look like Alex is hard at work: a quill posed in Alex's hand and the ink reasonably within reach, papers full of Alex's (barely legible because it's so TINY) handwriting askew on the desk, hair pulled back into Alex's signature "why-waste-time-with-my-hair-when-I-could-be-writing" man bun. The trio stands back for a second to admire their fine handiwork.

A strong knock at Laurens' door reminds them of why they did it in the first place. John hides under the desk, draping its curtained bottom over himself so Washington won't see him. Lafayette says, "I'll get the door" loudly enough to be heard from the outside where he and Hercules plan to entertain the mess out of Washington so (hopefully, because they were hopeful but they knew it was not likely) he'll leave and not have to talk to "Alexander."

"Ah, General Washington, what a lovely surprise. _C'est un plaisir de vous revoir_ ," says Lafayette, kissing Washington on the cheeks. A friendly nod between the two serves as cordial for Mulligan and Washington. After all pleasantries are exchanged, Washington gets right to business (a quality the four usually loved about him, but right now was really not the time for it).

"Where is Hamilton? I came to speak to him."

"In the room, sir," Hercules says as he escorts Washington to the room where Laurens and Hamilton are. He knocks at the door twice.

"Hey, Hamilton? You in there?"

"Yeah, Herc. I'm working. Is Washington here yet?" a voice came back. Hercules holds back an impressed smirk at John's impression of Alexander; if he hadn't been the wiser, he'd have thought he was talking to Hamilton himself.

"I'm here. Now, about that debt plan... excuse us, Mulligan, if you will," Washington says kindly.

"Right. I'll leave you to it," Herc says as he leaves to join Lafayette in prayer for their dear friend John who has dug himself into quite the grave and is in the **_underground_** level of deep sh*t about right now.

 

***in the room where it happened***

 

"About that debt plan. Both you and Jefferson made valid points. If the government were to assume states' debts, several issues could be handled quicker and easier, and the nation woud be better off. However, for the states that are taken care of already, by whatever means they are, there is no need to spend the extra funds on them."

"So, what are you suggesting, sir?" John replies from under Alex's desk, hoping his voice carries enough to sound like it's coming from Alex's mouth.

"I'm suggesting a compromise. I'm willing to go with the debt plan, but the South needs something to placate them. Any ideas, Hamilton?" John had to think for a moment. He and Alex shared many ideals (this was about 90% of what they bonded over), but what compromise would Alex be willing to accept? After a little while to think, John responded.

"Maybe we should move the capital. I mean, the Southern farmers that Jefferson supports are all about being fairly represented. If we move the capital to somewhere more toward the South, they'll be not only happy, but more willing to negotiate this compromise. It's a solution neither party can say no to," he answered.

"Okay, I could get behind that. Where would we put it?"

"Virginia, maybe? It'll keep all of those Southern-loving-"

"Watch it, son. Virginia is my hometown, we've been over th-"

Washington answers, but before he can finish, Alexander's still-asleep head drops to hit his desk, and he is (FINALLY WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG ALEX _but you couldn't've had worse timing_ ) jarred awake.

"Oh, man," Alex says, his voice raspy with sleep as he wakes up, "what'd I miss?"

John simply curses to himself, thinking of where he could possiby find a shovel big enough to dig himself out of this one.

"This entire conversation, apparently. Let's see... _you_ were asleep, _Mulligan_ and _Lafayette_ are in the other room, so unless Burr is hiding somewhere in this room, and I don't believe he is, I have been talking to **_Laurens_** the whole time, I suppose?" Washington says, ticking each of his fingers off as he lists names.

_Boy, does he sound mad... Now or never, I guess,_ John thinks to himself.

John comes out from his hiding place, his freckled face red as a tomato in embarrassment.

"Sir, I promise I can explain! Please don't be mad at me!"

"I'm waiting for this explanation."

"Long story short: we got drunk last night, I woke up first. His phone starts ringing, I answer like a good friend. You're calling, asking to speak with the one that's gotten so inebriated he's unconscious, and I tried to wake him up, I did! I shook him, slapped him; heck, I even told him Lafayette and Mulligan _rolled Sam Seabury's house_ \- anything to get him to wake up!"

"Pause. What is this 'rolling' you speak of? I did no such thing!" Laf butts in, he and Herc having stepped in to hear John's explanation, holding a shared bowl of freshly-popped popcorn... but they weren't watching a movie... _Man, what friends John_ _has._

"Unimportant. Anyway, so you ask if either of us are still there, and it's clear that it's not me you wanted to talk to, it's Alex, so I kind of...well it's hard to explain, I sort of... might've...possibly...  _panickedandpretendedtobeAlexsoyouwouldn'tbemadandpunishhimfornotansweringyou_..." John says all in one breath.

"And you pretty much know the rest," he, Herc, and Laf all finished.

Alex holds up a finger with a look meant for none but happy mischief in his eyes, interrupting John's confession.

"Um, that's not quite the whole story. We DID get drunk off our brains last night. However, John didn't wake up first; I did. And I may've called you up and said something along the lines of ' _Hey, I've got an awesome prank to pull on Laurens. I would_ _do it myself, but I need you for it. We should have a little fun. You in?_ ' and you were, so you called back a few hours later after I was sure John would be awake (which he was - bless your reliable little internal alarm clock, John) and you asked him for me, and for some inexplicable reason, I just _wouldn't_ wake up, would I?"

A loud gasp comes from John, who has realized he's been had.

" **WHAT?** You little piece of-"

"Oh, but I haven't gotten to the good part yet! So, you see, John decides to come up with some crazy solution - I honestly didn't think he would do that, nor did I know he had that amazing of an impression of me in his repertoire-"

"Well, it's not so hard when we hear you talk all the time about everything," Hercules interrupted playfully. Everyone shared a laugh (mostly because it was true).

"As I was going to say, their account had a missing variable. I was awake the entire time. There's the whole story, sir," Alex ends cheekily. Washington hides a satisfactory smirk under his hand, shaking his head at the entire situation.

"Alexander Hamilton, I am going to KILL you! You had me worried _sick_! Seriously, I was scared you'd comatose'd or something! And Washington, please never let me do that again, because talking to you as Hamilton was the most nerve-wracking conversation of my life! I figured if anyone would figure me out for faking in the first five seconds of talking to me, it would be you. Joke's on me, I guess?"

A stream of laughter at the situation began with the five in the room.

"I'll have my revenge, I swear it!" John interrupted his laughter long enough to say, a look of mischief filling his green eyes as he thought of all the ways he could and would get his revenge on Alexander and Washington.

"Laurens, please. I'm sorry, but you're not exactly the scariest-looking of little fellas. Hit us with your best shot," challenged Washington jokingly. John's answer was confident as his unmistakably mischievous eyes sparkled in delight of a challenge.

"Fine by me. Let the prank war begin, and may the best man win."

"Oh, so we're doing this?" asked Alex.

"Ew, Alex. You sound like Burr."

"I heard that, Mr. Laurens."

 

      ...when Burr was actually in the room where it happened...


	2. Round Two: Invisible

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John's revenge, and things get kind of interesting. 
> 
>  
> 
> Or, Hamilton and Washington are invisible for the day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I'm gonna post another chapter. Don't shoot, I know it's not great, but I wanna see where this goes. Thank you for reading, and I hope you enjoy it!

Round Two: Invisible

John Laurens knew three things: firstly, he knew he had to come with some really good revenge on both Hamilton and Washington, otherwise he'd never live that prank down. Secondly, he knew he'd already come up with an idea that could get back both Hamilton and Washington in one go and would, no doubt, be hilarious. Thirdly, _and he cringed and his mouth got a funny little taste in it with this,_ he'd have to enlist help from some people he'd rather not talk to.

The Schuyler sisters had immediately given their consent to being in on the prank ("Sure, we'll help!" Peggy had excitedly answered. "If it comes back on us, though, I'm most likely blaming you. Someone needs plausible deniability around here," Angelica had warned), and Lafayette and Mulligan easily agreed, having been indirect victims of the first prank and looking for another laugh ("This should be good, oui?" "Yeah, count us in."). The hardest people for John to negotiate with were yet to come.

John knocked on Aaron Burr's door.

"Mr. Laurens! What are you doing here?"

"Aaron Burr, sir! I have a... favor, of sorts, to ask of you."

"Depends on what the favor is, but I may be able to be of assistance. Divulge, sir," Burr responded. John tried not to crack a grin as he thought of his grand master plan; Burr would never take him seriously if he did.

"As you may recall, Hamilton and Washington played a joint practical joke on me. Well, we've declared a prank war, and I am planning my retaliation," John explained. Burr gave John a quizzical look before asking,

"What sort of retaliation, exactly? And what does it have to do with me?"

"I was getting to that, Mr. Burr. The one thing both Alexander and the General hate is being ignored when they talk. The cabinet meeting is tomorrow. I take it you'll be there?"

"I will. What's going to happen at the cabinet meeting?" Burr asks, seeming to be somewhat interested in what John was thinking. John took that as a positive, and continued.

"Well, Alexander and Mr. Washington are both going, of course, but if everything goes to plan, it'll be like they're invisible," answered John, radiating pride in his wonderfully evil revenge plan.

"So what I'm hearing is I get to ignore Hamilton?" asked Aaron, seeming almost...excited. _Emotion from Burr, that's new_.

"Yes. For once, tune him out completely, the General as well. Basically act like they're invisible. It should drive them mad," John answers.

"I will do it, but if anyone asks, I'm telling them it was all your idea," said Burr cautiously. John shook his head - some men will never change. He bid Burr goodbye and headed off to his next destination.

John's next stop was Thomas Jefferson's house. John knocked at Jefferson's door, summoning all his strength and self-control not to combust with laughter when Jefferson answered the door wearing tight, gold, flashy pants that hugged his legs well enough to be WAY too tight on his calves, a neon pink blouse, disheveled and unbuttoned to show his (admittedly rather toned) chest, and gold, sparkly sunglasses perched on his head (which he didn't really need, given the fact that he was in his HOUSE; like, why be so pretentious?) accessorizing his loose, thick-curly fro.

"Good day, Mr. Jefferson."

"Likewise, Mr. Laurens. If I may ask, what are you doing at my estate? I haven't done anything to you, have I?" Jefferson asked, a confused look on his face.

"No sir, not me, though there are some things you've said to Hamilton that I could rip you a new one for. But that's not what I'm here for. I've had an idea," responded John, waiting to share his idea.

"Okay, and how does this pertain to me?" Jefferson asked, self-entitled conceit dripping from every word. John continued nonetheless, keeping in mind how valuable Jefferson would be to this prank in particular.

"Basically, there has been a prank war declared between a few of us, namely Hamilton and Washington versus me. They played a practical joke on me, and I'm getting revenge."

"Revenge? On Hamilton?... Okay, you have my undivided attention, lay it on me. What's your plan?" Jefferson asked, suddenly losing his nonchalant manner and showing extreme excitement.

"For the cabinet meeting tomorrow, neither Hamilton nor General Washington are to be visible. Basically, the plan is to tune them out the entire time. The one thing that aggravates the both of them to no end is not being heard or listened to, so if no one acts like they can hear them, it could be pretty funny," John explained.

"I tune Hamilton out most of the time anyway, but this sounds fun. Count me and Madison in. He's spoken for," Jefferson said, laughing to himself at the thought of the day to come.

"Spoken f- well that explains... a lot," John said as James Madison, sporting an equally bizarre outfit as Jefferson's (except he sports a blue buttoned blouse with a thick matching bedazzled neckerchief, not sunglasses) comes to the door as well.

"Um, y-you two have fun with...well, what-whatever it is you're doing, and-and I'll see y'all tomorrow," John stammered and briskly walked away, not willing to see anything else that could potentially scar him for life. He shook his head, trying to unsee what was already there and get back on focus.

"Now to get drinks for that party..."

 

*time skip to the next day*

 

The Schuyler sisters, the Revolutionary Crew, Burr, and General Washington had all spent the night at Laurens' place, where John had a little party. It was a strategic move on John's part more than anything, seeing as they would all be in the same place. As planned, everyone except Washington and Hamilton were awake at this moment, and they went over the plan for the day. John could hardly wait; he had been awake about four hours earlier than usual out of sheer excitement of seeing Alex and the General's faces when they figured out what was going on. Angelica had set an alarm to blare into Hamilton and Washington's ears (Eliza had recommended the Bugle Reveille) set to go off in about two minutes, so everyone was anxiously waiting for the prank to begin.

"Ahh! Outgunned! Outmanned! Outnumb- wait, this isn't the war," Washington spurted, waking up with a start.

Hamilton had also shot up, reaching for the nearest quill and piece of parchment, the mantra "I am not throwing away my shot" on a loop under his breath until he realized there was no quill or paper and that he was not still in a war and the other fifty-one essays had already been written.

"Yeah, that may not have been the best idea..." Eliza said sheepishly. The revolutionaries looked at her as if to say, "You think?"

Everyone began bustling around Laurens' house, saying their 'good mornings' to one another, brushing past and ignoring Alexander and the General completely, even when they spoke.

Eliza almost ruined the whole prank when Alexander swooped in for their usual good-morning kiss, but Angelica pulled her away saying,

"Come, Eliza, we've got to find something to wear for today!"

Eliza, remembering their plan, turned away from Hamilton as if she'd never seen or heard anything from him.

"Coming, Angie."

Hamilton's jaw dropped to the floor (John couldn't help but look out of the corner of his eye, and it was priceless!)

As all of the previous night's guests went in their respective directions to prepare for the day, only Mr. Washington and Alexander were left behind in the living space. The two sat in silence until, per usual, Alex broke it.

"Okay, so am I the only one who feels massively ignored? It's like I didn't exist this morning! I went in to kiss Eliza and it was like she didn't even see me. You know?" Alex asked. Washington nodded in agreement.

"You know, I got the feeling both of us were being ignored. I take it this is most likely Mr. Laurens' revenge?" Washington responded calmly.

"I thought about that, and it could be, except John couldn't go more than ten minutes in a room with me and not talk to me, so I don't think it should play out very long," Alexander stated with a small laugh. Little did they know, John Laurens had heard every word of their conversation from around the corner (so he might have been eavesdropping, **fight him on it** ). _That sounds like a challenge. I'll show him..._

 

*time skip to the beginning of the Cabinet Meeting*

 

John had arrived early and done his rounds around the room, like any true politician, making sure to remind each person he gave a confident handshake to "not to respond to a word Washington or Hamilton says. They're invisible for the day" or that, "Oh, I think Washington and Hamilton came down with something last night, we won't be hearing too much from them today. Please disregard any comments they might make. Thank you, sir," for the few who would consider a prank war too trivial for the Cabinet (lackluster buzzkills, you always have 'em). It also didn't hurt that Jefferson and Madison were doing the same thing on the other side of the room.

Burr sat in his usual chair, an almost-smug smirk on his face as he nodded curtly to John, indicating he would hold his part of the bargain. John took a seat, kind of nervous but mostly excited to see how things would unfold. Washington's gavel pounded loudly, which signaled the beginning of both the meeting and John's retaliation. 

"Gentlemen, I would first like to thank you for your attendance at this cabinet meeting. I assure you that your time and opinions are of the utmost importance to me. Are we ready to begin?" Whispers began circling around the room.

"Gentlemen, call me crazy, but I believe I see that Washington's gavel is floating in midair! What are we to do?" Jefferson started, somehow managing to keep a straight face. Everyone quickly realized what he was doing. Quiet snickers and muffled laughs echoed in the room.

"You know, we should probably start this meeting sometime soon. Oh, can we do a role call to make sure all parties are represented?" Jefferson continued. Madison dutifully pulled out a clipboard with a list of expected attendees and began calling names.

"Mr. Burr?"

"Here."

"Mr. Seabury?"

"Present, good sir."

"Alright. Marquis de Lafayette?"

"Oui, I am here. Oh, by the way, I have invited Hercules Mulligan to join us today."

"Very well, pleasure to be in your company, Mr. Mulligan. Jefferson and I are spoken for. Mr. Laurens?"

"Yeah, I'm here."

Madison continued to fire off names.

"Mr. Hamilton?"

"Present, sir."

"Alexander Hamilton?"

"Yes, I'm present."

"Is Alexander here?" Jefferson asks, looking to John, Laf and Herc for confirmation. Like the wonderful friends they are, all three shrug their shoulders, making wow-those-are-really-fake confused faces.

"I. Am. Right. _HERE_!!! Look over here, you _scum-of-the-earth, uncultured, infuriating, mad-hatted numbskull_!" Alexander shouted, getting angrier by the second. Everyone began to laugh a little as Alexander grumbled insult after insult and grew redder and redder in the face.

"Well, I guess he's a no-show for today. Mr. Washington?"

"I am here, Mr. Madison, and I demand to know what is going on."

"No Washington either? Wow, did something happen to the two of them? Do you know, Laurens?" Jefferson asked again, this time almost unable to say anything without laughing. That was a bold move, and everyone in the courtroom knew it.

"Yes, Jefferson, I think I have an idea of what may have happened. They are here, but they may or may not have been turned invisible some time last night. You see, we'd had a little get-together at my place, nothing big, just to have a good time. But they were there, and then all of a sudden this morning, POOF! They were gone. But I feel their presence in the room somewhere, so they might be here," John managed to explain with a straight face.

Jefferson got an impishly gleeful look in his eyes (like he'd just had an idea with the lightbulb and everything), and for once, John thought the two of them were thinking on the same wavelength.

"So since no one's here to mediate without taking sides, is it safe to agree that this meeting be postponed until Hamilton and Washington are found?"

" **WE ARE RIGHT HERE**!" both Washington and Hamilton bellowed.

"I would think so, Mr. Jefferson," John said with a smirk before quickly swiping up Washington's gavel.

"Cabinet meeting dismissed until further notice - it might be a day or two, okay? Thank you, gentlemen, that is all," John Laurens finished, pounding the gavel unceremoniously on a nearby table. All the officials in the room filed out, quite entertained at John's little prank.

General Washington snatched the gavel from John's hand.

"Give me that! Was that fun for you, son?" Washington asked.

"Oh, great, now he's calling you son, too. Where does it _end_ , sir?" Hamilton interjects melodramatically. They all shared a laugh. Lafayette, Mulligan, Madison and Jefferson came over to join the conversation.

Thomas and Alexander glared each other down, as if fighting with their eyes (which they probably were, it's not surprising they can't even bear looking at each other civilly), so, sensing the tension, Laurens intervened.

"So, did I get you good, or what?" Laurens asked with a pretty victorious-looking smile gracing his face. Alexander turned from his staredown battle with Jefferson, and couldn't help but give in when he saw how happy John was.

"Yeah, yeah. You got us pretty good. But was it better than mine?" Hamilton responded, playing annoyed, but breaking character with his smile.

After all was said and done, the revolutionaries decided to call it a day. They left the courtroom and went their respective ways (meaning they all crashed at Laf's house and browsed Tumblr for ridiculous posts by their favorite macaroni-loving Francophile), watching their backs for retaliation all the while.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! I appreciate the hits and kudos and comments, because feedback makes you more open-minded and better as a writer. Please leave any suggestions or ideas you have for future pranks/chapters in the comments below (wow, I sound like a YouTuber)! 
> 
> Until the next chapter! Love y'all and *blows kiss* GoodBYEEE!


	3. Did You Forget, Lafayette?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The importance of commas, peeps.
> 
> I own nothing (well, except the plot. That's mine)

 

Did You Forget, Lafayette?

 

He'd been had by Alexander Hamilton.

He'd been had by George Washington.

He'd helped John exact his revenge on the both of them. But, you know...

 

That simply was not enough. He needed _more_.  


 

The time had come. It was Lafayette's turn, and _boy, was he going to make it good_.  


 

 

Lafayette's main priority in exacting revenge would be Hamilton instead of both he and Washington, mainly because

1) John had already gotten sufficient revenge on Washington, and he was merely an accessory to the scheme that came from Hamilton's brain and

2) someone had to stay in Washington's good graces, and he'd be absolutely _furieux_ if it wasn't him.

 

_This plan is flawless_ , he'd mused to himself while absentmindedly entertaining the current conversation concerning the Schuyler sisters and whether or not Eliza had Hamilton completely whipped or not – which she did. Eliza had Alex so whipped, it was the most obvious thing in the world (well, if you asked Lafayette, anyway. There was no denying the romance on either end, but that was none of his business, so... _wow, this is some good tea_... shame that it comes from such disgusting people @"King" George III)

Then came the (rather cliché) moment when all three Schuyler sisters walked into the room while the boys were talking about them (leading to the equally cliché sputtering out of, "Oh, hey! What? No! We weren't talking about you at all, right, guys?" "Well, you see, what had happened was...").

Oh, back to Lafayette's plan, which was projected to be much more entertaining now that the Schuyler sisters had arrived. _Now, there is an audience_.

Lafayette began to start gasping for air. Hercules and Alex's heads immediately snapped over in concern for Lafayette. John looked concerned as soon as he saw, and the sisters, who had been laughing at the other boys, ceased when they witnessed Lafayette's "struggle" in unimagined shock.

_Perfect reaction. Commence grand master prank._

Lafayette closed his eyes and pretended to faint, falling off his bed and onto the floor. He lay still for a minute before he felt someone take his hand tentatively (by the feel of their hand, he would say it was John), and as it was released, Laf let it limply fall back to the floor. Alexander (the only one of the group with that small a hand and that little sense) roughly smacked his face twice, and it took _quite_ a bit of willpower to remain motionless. Thankfully, no one thought to take his pulse, it would've been way too strong for him to have passed out from asphyxiation. It took a minute, but everyone came to the consensus that he was most definitely unconscious and they should probably do something.

"I got this, guys," came the voice of Hercules. Lafayette knew in that instant what was about to happen. He and Herc had gone to Washington's mandatory CPR lessons together (because if a doctor wasn't on site during a battle and a man could be saved, they would need to know how, Washington had reasoned) and they made a vow to each other to be the only ones either would trust enough to give CPR to one another (with the only exceptions including John or Alex, and only in an immediate life-or-death pinch where Laf or Herc weren't there).

Hercules' lips meet Lafayette's as he breathes oxygen down the other man's throat. As Hercules pumps at Lafayette's chest, Laf decides to "wake up."

Cries of "Thank God!" and "Good, you're awake!" and "what happened?" come from the group of friends. _Here comes the fun part_ , Lafayette thinks.

**_"Quelle? Qu'est-ce qui se passe?"_**   Lafayette asks, pulling his best confused facial expression.

"Hey, man. You fainted just a second ago, and Herc used CPR on you. Are you okay, Laf?" John asks in a worried tone.

**_"Je suis désolé, je ne comprends pas. Je parle français,"_** Laf said, blinking back at John blankly and willing his resolve to stay strong at the utterly hopeless look on John's face.

"He said he didn't understand. You speak English, too, Lafayette. Remember?" Alex asks. Lafayette can practically see the gears turning in Alex and John's heads, and he knows without a doubt they will be the hardest two to convince, seeing as they are the only ones in their group other than Lafayette himself who speak and understand perfect French.

**_"Je ne sais pas ce que vous voulez dire, monsieur. Et comment savez-vous mon nom? Nous avons jamais recontré,"_** Lafayette answers Alex, who looks completely flabbergasted.

"Never met? What do you mean, never met? We are all your best friends! _**Tes amis!**_ " Alex exclaims.

**_"Mes amies? Je ne connais aucun de vous, mais j'aimerais bien. Vous semblez être des gens charmants, en particulier ces deux."_** he gestures at John and Eliza, making the most lovey-dovey heart-eyes at them that he can muster up. The resulting reaction is hilarious: John's cheeks turn red at the compliment he very well understands; Eliza, who grasps the general meaning of Laf's words from his heart-eyes, looks at him like he has just announced himself Queen of the magical, mystical Unicorn Fairy Utopian Universe; and, by all indications, Lafayette is quickly making Alexander see red. Alex looks furious and totally floored, but then...

A victoriously smug smirk erupts on the canvas of Alexander's face.

"This is a trick, isn't it? Laf hasn't forgotten anything or anyone, he's faking it! Who put you up to it, huh? John? Herc? Angelica? Betsey? Did one of you come up with this?" Alex asks. He fails to realize that he's lain out Lafayette's entire plan and put the wrong name to the mastermind behind it.

Perfect.

Alex's query yields the expected results: everyone confirms that they have nothing to do with Laf's sudden memory loss, and that they're just as confused and worried as Alex.

**_"De quoi tu te rappelles?"_** Alexander asks Lafayette.

_**"Hum ... Je me souviens d'être venu en Amérique de France et de rencontrer un général très gentil dans un bar, si je me souviens bien,"** _ Laf answers. Alex translates for the others.

"Okay, then. We need to take him to Washington," Hercules determines.  


*time skip to Washington's office*  


George Washington knows well that his lieutenant-colonel-slash-son-he-wished-he-had and his friends are always up to something. There's pretty much never a dull moment with them.

That can be a good thing.

Or it can be a _not good_ thing.

Really, it depended on the day. Right now, it was in the middle of the night, and he'd been in the middle of sleeping, so...

Washington takes one look at the Revolutionaries and the Schuyler sisters and asks,

"Okay, so what happened this time?"

**_"C'est le grand général dont je parlais! George, c'est sympa de te revoir! Avez-vous rencontré mes nouveaux amis?"_** Lafayette blurts affectionately before anyone can get around to explaining, greeting George with a kiss on the cheek and gesturing to the group on mentioning them.

"W- wha...what is going on?"

"Sir, it seems as if Lafayette has lost all memory following his arrival in New York and meeting you. We figured you may be able to help him get it back," Hercules explains.

Washington stares with an acute eye at Lafayette, and motions for Lafayette to come to him. Lafayette obeys. He looks him in the eye, and when Washington's eyebrows raise in suspicion, Lafayette knows that Washington is aware of the real situation. Laf looks at Washington pleadingly, willing him to go along with his ruse, and (if he had blinked, he'd have missed it) but he could've sworn he saw Washington wink.

"Monsieur, do you remember any of these men and women?" He asks slowly, gesturing to the group.

"Non, sir. Only you," Lafayette says, mocking the tone and fragmented language he used to use before better understanding the English language. Those were the days, man...

"Well, then, I believe we better get you introduced, I guess, and caught up to speed on what is going on. These are the Schuyler sisters – Angelica, Eliza and Peggy," George introduces. Lafayette bows to them and kisses each of their hands (like he hasn't had the pleasure of knowing them). When he looks up at Angelica from his bow with an impish smile, she senses the familiarity he looks at her with, and can barely keep her amusement to herself.

"And these are the men you'll be working with. That is Hercules Mulligan, and this is John Laurens, and that is..." George continues, and he shakes Mulligan and Laurens' hands, winking when he does, and it seems that they've caught on to Lafayette's prank as well. As Washington moves on to Alexander, Laf gives him a signal to say he'd take it from here.

"Alexander Hamilton, of course. Your right hand man, Sir. How could I forget you, mon petit lion?" Lafayette finishes, an impish, face-splitting grin decorating his face, absolutely delighted at his success. Alexander's jaw just about hits the floor, and Lafayette is incredibly proud of himself.

"I knew it! God, I knew it! Of course you did – You are such a trickster, you... yeah, I had this coming, didn't I?"

"You did. And the only reason I did not let anyone in on it is because some people are weak and you would get them to tell you everything the minute you sensed something was up," Laf explains, looking pointedly at John and Eliza.

"Weak? I am not weak," John and Eliza say at the same time, further proving Laf's point.

"Yeah, Alex wouldn't have known anything."

"He wouldn't have gotten a word out of me."

"Yeah, right. I'd have gotten all the information from the both of you before you even realized you gave it up," Alex bragged. The three of them then begin to argue about whether Alex's charms would have made them succumb until the oldest Schuyler sister, who well knows that any argument featuring Alexander Hamilton and John Laurens is bound to last more than a few hours, interrupts.

"Can we set some sort of order to this little prank-fest? Because, frankly, I think I want in, and it'll be more fun if this becomes a legitimate prank war, with different teams and stuff. Maybe the General can oversee the whole thing so it doesn't get too crazy, you know? But it would be nice," Angelica offers. There are nods and hums of consent within the group.

"Okay, so we're doing this."

"Burr, where did you even come from? It's the middle of the night!"

"I brought friends this time, if it's any consolation."

 

 

 

 

(Dang, Burr. Back at it again in the room where it happens!)

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> French Translations (as best as I can do them, I wish I spoke fluent French) 
> 
> \- Quelle? Qu'est-ce qui se passe? = What? What's happening? 
> 
> \- Je suis désolé, je ne comprends pas. Je parle français = I'm sorry, I don't understand. I speak French
> 
> \- Je ne sais pas ce que vous voulez dire, monsieur. Et comment savez-vous mon nom? Nous avons jamais recontré = I don't know what you mean, sir. And how do you know my name? We have never met
> 
> \- Mes amies? Je ne connais aucun de vous, mais j'aimerais bien. Vous semblez être des gens charmants, en particulier ces deux = My friends? I do not know any of you, but I would love to. You seem to be charming people, especially these two.
> 
> \- De quoi tu te rappelles? = What do you remember?
> 
> \- Hum ... Je me souviens d'être venu en Amérique de France et de rencontrer un général très gentil dans un bar, si je me souviens bien = Hum ... I remember coming to America from France and meeting a very nice general in a bar, if I remember correctly
> 
> \- C'est le grand général dont je parlais! George, c'est sympa de te revoir! Avez-vous rencontré mes nouveaux amis? = That's the great general I was talking about! George, it's nice to see you again! Have you met my new friends?
> 
> That should be it, aside from your typical "mon ami" or "ma cherie" stuff like that.
> 
> Hope you liked the story! Comment below!
> 
> Peace, love, and Lin-Manuel Miranda, 
> 
> PentaholicHamiltrash7

**Author's Note:**

> C'est un plaisir de vous revoir - Nice to see you again (Lafayette uses "vous" out of respect for General Washington, not to be distant or anything) 
> 
> So yeah, that happened. Hope y'all liked it, and I'm gonna post another chapter #soon (to any Pentaholics that read this, it was my civic duty, I had to do it, so sorry) 
> 
> Anyways, update coming! Love y'all, and *blows kiss* goodBYEEEE!


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